On Love and I Love You
by Wootiful
Summary: Kendall can't remain faithful to Jo while Logan is in his life. The relationship from all three of their perspectives.
1. Sometimes, Always, Never

Disclaimer: Not mine

Kendall made a promise, a vow. He stood before an alter and swore, before God and Law, to remain true for all his life. But sometimes, in the night, he finds that vows are hard to keep. Sometimes as he's sleeping, he dreams of dark hair and dark eyes. Sometimes as he's fucking, his wife's curves become lean, lithe muscle. Sometimes he forgets whom he swore to have and to hold.

Sometimes Logan stoops and lifts a blond child in his arms and he looks so happy that Kendall forgets that Logan isn't a father, especially not the father of those kids. Sometimes, when Jo's getting ready for some gala event, Logan comes by to babysit and Kendall wonders if his kids don't know Logan better than their own mother.

Sometimes Logan gets sick and Kendall worries that he has nobody to look after him. Sometimes Kendall makes a mess in the kitchen and leaves it for Jo to clean up so that he can bring Logan chicken soup or a thermos of hot tea. Sometimes Logan mumbles sleepily that Kendall didn't have to go through all that trouble. Sometimes Kendall tells him that yes, he did, because Kendall is there for Logan, in sickness and in health.

Sometimes Kendall can feel Logan standing by his shoulder, standing up for him. Sometimes Kendall thinks of his wedding and how Logan isn't just _his_ best man, he's _the_ best man, the best friend, the best everything.

Sometimes Jo goes out with friends and the guys come over to watch the game. Sometimes Logan stays late to have a few more beers. Sometimes Kendall forgets he pledged to be faithful. Sometimes the friendly arm he slings around Logan's shoulders tightens and becomes possessive. Sometimes their lips meet and their bodies intertwine. Sometimes their clothes end up on the floor and Kendall whimpers and moans and begs like he never does with Jo.

Always they whisper we can't keep doing this. Always they say never again, never again. Always Kendall knows it's another promise they can't keep.

Never have they said I love you because they've always known it's true.

They need each other, with all their faults and strengths, for better of for worse, to love and to cherish 'til death do them part. But they never promise it, they never make it a vow, because sometimes, in the night, vows are hard to keep.


	2. Once

Once upon a time, Jo met a boy, handsome and charming, like a prince in a fairy tale. He seduced her with a shining smile, with white roses and words of devotion. He swept her up and carried her away, like a knight on a white horse.

Once, a long time ago, Kendall said I love you and Jo actually believed him. He said marry me and she said yes and he gathered her in his arms and spun her around. She wore a white dress that made her look like princess, like an angel with her golden hair and golden ring.

Once or twice, Jo lay next to Kendall and watched him sleep. His bare skin glistened in the white moonlight and Jo thought he looked as though he were at peace. He spoke softly in his sleep, barely more than a sigh. Jo couldn't hear the word but she thought perhaps it was a name.

Once, just once, Jo came home and heard that name clearly. Once, just once, Jo came home and found that Kendall wasn't alone. Once, just once, everything went dark and Jo let herself cry.

Once upon a time, a long time ago, Jo loved Kendall, a once-in-a-lifetime kind of love. But once she saw him there with Logan, she couldn't love him any more.

She signs the divorce papers and thinks once was enough.


	3. Until

Don't cry, Logan tells himself and he doesn't.

Not when he's leaving his family for the first time, following Kendall to Hollywood.

Not when Kendall and Jo go on their first date, because Logan distracts himself with Mercedes and Camille.

Not when he starts getting rejection letters from schools that don't think a member of a boy band will ever be a serious doctor, because he does get accepted at Stanford, which means he'll be able to stay relatively close to Kendall in LA.

Not when Kendall asks Logan to help him pick out an engagement ring, because Logan is focusing on his midterms and medical school applications. He goes to the jewelers anyway and gives his approval to a princess cut diamond in a white gold setting, displayed on black silk.

Not when Kendall asks Logan to be his best man, or at the wedding, because Kendall seems so happy and Logan loves him. He even loves Jo, in his own way, when he doesn't think about it, when the three of them can just sit in the sun and forget they have secrets

He doesn't cry when Kendall calls him to say that Jo's pregnant, because they want him to be the godfather, and he's almost as excited as them

He doesn't cry when Kendall's marriage starts to fall apart, because he's selfish; as long as Kendall resents Jo's absence as she tries to reestablish her career postpartum, he'll keep coming to Logan for comfort.

Logan doesn't cry when Kendall drunkenly kisses him for the first time, because he's finally getting what he wants and he silently chants I love you, I love you. Later though, listening to Kendall breathing in the dark, he wants to cry; he feels dirty and he hates it. He wants to cry but he doesn't.

He doesn't cry when Jo walks in on them, because at that point its too late for remorse.

He doesn't cry until after he answers the door and Kendall tells him its official, the divorce papers have been signed. Not until after he's helped Kendall carry his bags inside his tiny apartment, not until after his shift at the hospital. Not until he comes home to a warm, brightly lit apartment and Kendall says nervously I made dinner. Not until then.

Then Logan cries all the tears he didn't for the last fifteen years; he sobs against Kendall's chest, held by someone who loves him.


End file.
